The truest sentence I can conjure up: I don’t know what the hell i’m doing. I honestly hoped by now (22 years old) that I would’ve had the answers to my life. I hoped that I somehow made it to superstar status, or magically became rich by this age. When I was younger I always held 20 something year old Connor in high esteem. I believed that I would have everything that would make me happy by this age, all the solutions to my problems, and I somewhat do. But still I feel that unpleasant void inside of my gut. That unquenchable thirst for more and more. That dissatisfaction that I don’t have all the solutions, that there will always be a certain facet in my life that I could improve upon. Always something that is right on the outside perimeter of where and what I can see. Completely evading my awareness. But, regardless I still will keep going. I do not need to have all the answers to live a meaningful life. In my current state, no matter how flawed I may perceive it to be, is still more capable than ever of changing the world. Writing this I have a sort of limiting mindset, numerous thoughts popped in trying to discourage me from believing in myself, my potential to create change. How can one man make change? What is the point of change? Shouldn’t we let the world be doomed? No. Fuck that. I am fed up with the pessimism, and disgusted outlook towards life. Life is beautiful, and has the potential to be even more if we get our heads out of our asses and strive to be better and do better. I have fallen victim to pessimism far too often, it has created false despair inside of me, it has made life much harder than it already is. But I cannot hate it entirely, without including it as part of my journey and self discovery, I wouldn’t be half the man I am today. I am one man, a determined man, and stubborn as hell. I am Connor Palankey at 22 years old finding my way. I know one thing. We gone be just fine!
